At the age of eight, Alice was sexually abused by her uncle. He is a loving father to her cousins, jokes around at birthday parties, and takes good care of Alice’s grandmother. At the same time, he pressures Alice to do things with him that she doesn't want to do, including inappropriate touching that makes her feel uncomfortable. Alice knows that the abuse is wrong, but she is afraid of the consequences if she tells anyone. She wants to protect her uncle and not ruin the atmosphere in the family; and she fears that others will not believe her.

Alice is, unfortunately, no exception. One in three people who experience sexual abuse do not share their experiences with friends or family. Reasons for this include feelings of shame, fear of anger or misunderstanding, and the complex relationship with the perpetrator.

Research on keeping sexual abuse a secret

To explore the effects of non-disclosure of childhood sexual abuse, we set up a study in which 327 adults who experienced childhood sexual abuse participated. 92% of the participants were women. For most (91%), the abuse was long-term, and in the majority of cases (89%), the perpetrator was someone the participant knew, such as a biological parent (19%) or another family member (34%).

We asked participants about their experiences of abuse and whether they had shared them. We also asked about their social network and psychological symptoms. Based on their responses, we divided them into three groups:

1. People who did not share their experiences with friends or family (n = 96)
2. People who shared their experiences with some, but kept it secret from others (n = 114)
3. People who were open about their experiences of abuse (n = 117)

We examined whether the people who had not shared their experiences with a friend or family member differed from the other two groups in terms of social support, social network, and psychological symptoms, and we investigated how these factors were related to each other.

Key findings

Our results showed that people who did not tell any friend or family member about the abuse experienced the highest psychosocial burden, whereas those who were completely open about it experienced the lowest. This latter group even scored below the clinical threshold for psychological symptoms.

More specifically, people who did not share their experiences of sexual abuse:

• reported the highest levels of emotional neglect and emotional abuse during their childhood
• experienced the lowest levels of social support, felt the loneliest, and had the fewest people around them; they less often had a partner
• had the most trauma, depression, and anxiety symptoms

In addition, social support turned out to be crucial. People who felt they could rely on others reported fewer psychological symptoms, regardless of whether they had disclosed the abuse. The structure of the social network also mattered: those who were part of a close-knit network, where social contacts (friends, family, or others) knew each other, experienced fewer mental health problems.

Social support as a focus of treatment

In sum, although people who do not share their experiences of sexual abuse with friends and family members report feeling a heavier psychosocial burden, disclosure is not a prerequisite for someone to benefit from social support. The key is being part of a group where someone feels safe and can rely on others. While it is often assumed that revealing sexual abuse is necessary for recovery, our research shows that social support can be helpful even without disclosure. In treatment, it can therefore be valuable to focus on social support. Clinicians can help clients strengthen their social functioning so they can build a supportive social network. This could include a circle of friends, a cooking class, or a peer support group.

Alice is now 58 years old and still carries the experience of childhood sexual abuse in silence. Despite her silence, she has learned to live with her past, supported by the people close to her. She has a loving family and good friends. Her story shows that, even if someone chooses not to share everything from their past, the most important factor for well-being is social support.

The full, peer-reviewed paper ‘Behind the silence of undisclosed trauma: A social network study on support and well-being in the context of childhood sexual abuse’ has been published open access in the scientific journal ‘Child Abuse & Neglect’.

Banner photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash